How Do We Start a Change?
When the topic of sex trafficking is brought up, it is usually followed by a discussion of well-known current events and notorious people. We may discuss Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislene Maxwell, or border politics. We may talk about predators and pedophiles, religious cults, gangs such as MS-13 or the Hell’s Angels. We will definitely talk about the white panel van that cruises neighborhoods looking for victims, urban
legends of zip ties on car door handles and abandoned car seats with recordings of babies crying to lure victims. When the discussion invariably moves on to another topic, sex trafficking gets put in that category of things that are awful but only happen in other places and never to people like us.
The discussion that never takes place is the one about what causes sex trafficking and drives demand in the first place. That doesn’t get discussed because it is not a topic for polite company, it unmasks beliefs that all too many of us have, and it points us out as not only the cause, but the solution. Too often, when we are asked to describe what sex trafficking looks like, and we say it looks like prostitution, people have a tendency to stop listening. Why? Clearly, it is because prostitution is seen as a voluntary action, performed by people we have placed in that category of “not like us”. We have heard all the attitudes and anecdotes about prostitution:
It is the world’s oldest profession
She must like doing it, or she would stop
She’s just a junkie trying to feed a habit
It’s easy money
We have also heard all the anecdotes about the buyers:
He’s just lonely
He just wants to have some fun
He’s getting married, let him get it out of his system
If we don’t allow prostitution, men will rape more
The truth lies in what is left unsaid:
No one chooses to be a prostitute
It is paid rape
It inflicts severe trauma, both emotional and physical
It is degrading and dehumanizing
It is born out of abuse
Historically and globally, prostitution has always existed for one reason, it allows the buyer to objectify a human being for gratification that is classified as a need and not a want. Along with prostitution, other inhumanities exist alongside it. The sexual abuse of those viewed as less than. Whether it comes in the form of using rape as a war tactic, rape of slaves all over the world, the widespread sexual abuse of children, and countless acts of sexual violence committed daily all over the world, we do not address the root causes and our role in it.
The world view of women, in particular, as dehumanized receptacles of sexual pleasure starts in very subtle ways at very young ages. From fashion, the media, entertainment, and language, the stage is set to reduce women and girls to that position of less than. Hyper-sexualized fashions for young girls, songs that denigrate women through its use of slurs and descriptions of sex acts, exploitative movies that use nudity
and sex as a character-arc, portraying women as willing participants in abusive behavior, and more. Women themselves are told that the admiration of and acceptance of this propaganda is empowering. That it allows them to be in charge of their own sexual expression. Instead, it resigns them to being regarded as less than. Participating in their own objectification by being told that the answer to it is to “get them before they get you”.
There isn’t a lack of awareness of sexual violence. Everyone acknowledges its existence and decries examples of it. It is a base reaction to abhor sexual violence, assault, abuse, and harassment. Everyone wants to see who flew to Epstein’s island, who was locked in a room with Weinstein, have pedophiles punished, help the children who are victimized. People aren’t heartless. They aren’t unaware. They are just not
seeing the connection between societal norms and the booming business of sex for sale.
Traffickers sell because buyers buy. Buyers buy because they can. We stand by and watch because we have been trained our whole lives to believe that sex is a commodity, not a visceral connection between fully consenting adults. That is the part that we need to change. We need to end the acceptance of sexual assault as just a part of life. That it’s going to continue to happen no matter what we do, or that it should be
allowed because it is too big of an issue to tackle.
Sitting with clients, we hear so many repeated parts of their stories:
It started happening to me when I was a kid
No one protected me or defended me
I just wanted to feel like I mattered to someone
They took from me until I had nothing else to give, I was empty
I couldn’t do anything about it
I hate sex and I hate men
I just want to feel normal and I don’t know how
There has to be a way to create communities where sexual exploitation and abuse are eradicated. One area at a time. These issues are occurring right now where you live. Think of how shocked and horrified you were to see news reports of October 7 from Israel, or from Bosnia, or Rwanda, Haiti, Ethiopia, Ukraine, Germany, Japan, the list is endless. Now realize that these heinous acts are being committed in your neighborhoods, towns, cities and states every day.
There are people who are suffering from these inhumanities and praying for someone to notice and stop it.
How do we start a change? When it seems daunting and overwhelming, that usually indicates the greatest need for impactful movement because these are the issues that are the hardest to face. But if sexual exploitation and abuse is allowed to continue globally and in the homes in our neighborhoods, what is the message we are sending to women and children?